


Point of no Return

by malu (orphan_account)



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 15:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1693874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/malu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“That,” James takes Lewis’ hands carefully before firmly pressing them to the wall above his head, “is not what I need you to be now.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Furor

**Author's Note:**

> As always: Not beta'd, not britpicked, hence, I claim ownership for all mistakes.  
> I do not own the characters, I'm just playing.
> 
> This is a takeout or leftover that doesn't fit into the story it was written for anymore but works as stand-alone. And it's a bit out of character I suppose, but I would *love* to see Hathaway like this.

“James, what do you want here, lad?” Lewis hasn’t expected the lad to come over. And no, he hasn’t expected to be pushed inside his own apartment, shoved against a wall, either.

“Why did you send me away?” So it is no ‘Sir’ tonight. Lewis stares at his sergeant, who is now standing right in front of him, hands fixing his shoulders against the brick. He’s not quite up to his usual appearance though with his casual jeans, messily buttoned shirt and rumpled hair. “Why?” James eyes glare at him now, dark and full of an anger that he had not known to be inside his sergeant.

“I sent you somewhere?” Lewis is honestly confused now.

“Why did you tell me to go out with him, even set us up on a date? Why do you keep telling me to find someone to hang out with? I am perfectly fine with quietly adoring you, just hanging out with you as much as possible. I don’t expect anything in return, I harm no one, it does not affect work. Why do I need someone else in my life?” James voice is calm now, but a suppressed rage is evident in every word.

James steps closer, their bodies are almost leaning against each other. _Bloody hell._ Lewis inhaled a wave of the familiar smell, aftershave mixed with tobacco. And quite a bit of alcohol. He hopes, James had walked to his place.

 “James,” Lewis clears his throat, “listen, this is not-“

“What? The right place? The right time? It will never be either. And I know that very well. But why can we not leave things as they are? Why is this suddenly a problem? And why don’t you just go and get yourself a new sergeant if you are disgusted with my affection?”

“Daft sod.” Lewis’ voice is about to fail him and he is almost panting when he continues. “I am trying to push you away from making a mistake. And I want to keep myself from doing so as well.” He leans the last bit closer, his head buried in James shirt and his voice now muffled by the fabric. “I only have so much of self-control and you are making it difficult to be a decent governor.”

He looks up and studies how James’ expression switches from anger to surprise. For a brief moment, his lips twitch and the lad is almost smiling before determination and disapproval return.

“That,” James takes Lewis’ hands carefully before firmly pressing them to the wall above his head, “is not what I need you to be now.” He continues, whispering, “If love is not madness it is not love.”

Lewis is suspended by his own sergeant and it is arousing. Very much. And as they are in full body contact he knows that James feels the same way about this. He searches James gaze and he is not surprised to see that anger and surprise have been replaced with desire.

“James, you will regret this.” It’s a last, feeble attempt to save whatever they have left of their dignity and moral, but it’s bound to fail.

“I am old enough and not too drunk to make a choice I will regret. I know what I want, I have told you and shown you. And now, tell me, what do you want?” James voice drops an octave on the last part and Lewis has reached the point of no return.

“You. I want you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hathaway quotes Pedro Calderón de la Barca.


	2. Thunderstruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t you dare sneaking out now! I’m not into this one-night-stand-business, I’m an old-fashioned bloke and you knew what you were getting yourself into.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.   
> (Wolfgang Pauli)

Lewis hears James growl and then their lips meet. It’s different from the kissing he’s known because of James’ evening stubble. And it’s different from his expectations, if he’d had any, because he has never seen this passion, this roughness lurking in his sergeant. Robbie willingly parts his lips, lets their tongues meet, and devours the taste of tobacco and whiskey. It’s been a hot day, they’re both covered in sweat already and he can feel his shirt sticking to his back. He tries to free his hands, wanting, craving to touch, but James’ grip stays tight. He feels the lad's hips rubbing against his own, a knee nudging between his thighs, spreading his legs and then James’ thigh is rubbing against the denim over Lewis’ erection and he moans into their kiss.

 There’s a distant thunder and it’s darkening rapidly outside. “Bed, now!” Panting, Lewis breaks their kiss.

“Yes.” It’s a hiss. James drags his hands down and shoves him towards the bedroom. Lewis hasn’t been manhandled like this before and he’s finding it breath-taking. James only stops pushing him in front of the bed and resumes kissing him, his hands clenched in Lewis’ waist. Lewis’ hands are free this time and he hungrily slides them under James' shirt, his fingers tracing the spine and shoulder blades, brushing against a firm stomach and rubbing over delicate nibbles. James is breathing heavily now as well and every sound seems to flow directly towards Lewis’ groin. Overcome with sensation he clumsily unbuttons James’ shirt.

James’ fingers are unbuckling both of their belts now and Lewis holds his breath when they gently push down his jeans and brush over the cotton of his pants that is still covering his bulge. “Are you sure?” He sees insecurity flooding his sergeant’s eyes and he nods slowly.

Outside, the rain has started to pour and storm is violently thrashing it at the windows. It’s steamy inside now, and Lewis is grateful that, apart from the lightning, the weather has made the room dim and gloomy. James is caressing his chest now and his teeth are biting his earlobe. His hips are thrusting against Lewis’ and then he’s shoving down his boxers, with Lewis’ hands messing in his hair. James leans back and is now sitting on the bed, arms propped behind his back. “Come here, “ he purrs.

Hastily, Lewis frees himself from his shirt and pants, any self-consciousness overpowered by the sheer desire to feel James’ skin on his. He would love to pause for a moment, to take in the beautiful sight in front of him, the pale, firm stomach and chest. His eyes want to dwell on the sight James’ face, lips full and wet, forehead covered in a thin layer of sweat, eyes filled with lust, insecurity finally vanished . But James is pulling him down now, driving them further, kissing him violently, pushing and shoving Lewis on the bed until James Is laying on top of him. Their erections are pressing against each other, flesh on flesh, and it should feel strange and scary, but it doesn’t because it is James and suddenly he realizes that he wants this, badly.

* * *

It’s nothing that he ever expected to happen and not at all like he remembered it to feel. This is messy and sticky, loud and rough, and Lewis comes more often during this night than he believed himself capable of. When after another round of wrestling with desire, James has finally collapsed next to him and he's caught some breath, Robbie leans over and gently strokes his cheek. “Didn’t think you’d have that in you, lad.”

“You know I like to surprise, Sir.”

“Don’t you sir me now.”

James falls silent for a moment and Robbie listens to the storm hauling around the building. The weather certainly rises to the occasion.

“Would you rather… see me leave?”

Now, that is the James he knows, over-thinking stuff and always expecting the worst for himself. His eyes gently rest on the lad's devastated gaze and he reaches out to touch his face, tracing his upper lip with his thump. “Don’t you dare sneaking out now! I’m not into this one-night-stand-business, I’m an old-fashioned bloke and you knew what you were getting yourself into.”

He feels James coming closer and then long, strong arms are wrapping themselves around his neck.

“Goodnight, Robbie.” His name has never sounded this solemn.

“Goodnight, James. Now stop thinking for once, please.”

James kisses him in response, a soft, chaste kiss. Robbie pulls him closer, holds him tight and caresses the spiky hair for a while until even breathing tells him that the lad has fallen asleep. He lets himself roll on his back and listens to the heavy rain splashing against the windows. They’d been quite dynamic tonight. He tries to imagine Innocent’s face if she found out and drifts away with a grin on his face.

* * *

“I am sorry, Sir.”

Robbie slowly opens his eyes, frowning at the insecure eyes and trembling lips of the man next to him. It's too early for this.

“Oh you… don’t. And drop that Sir, I won’t have anyone call me that in me own bed, just so you know. And I won’t to discuss this before a shower and some coffee or without clothes.”

“I am sorry, S-… Robbie. I shouldn’t -”

Robbie sighs and starts disentangling himself from the sheets.

“Now will you stop it with the guilt trip, James? Bloody hell, this wasn’t your fault.” Robbie pauses and realization strikes while he’s sitting up from his bed, marvelling his beautiful and still very naked sergeant and contemplating over memories from the night before. “No, this wasn’t a fault at all,” he continues softly, more speaking to himself than to James.


	3. Are you ready?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh no, I asked first this time. And I think I already made my position clear,” Lewis says and it comes out harsher than he wanted it to because he is impatient and his heart is about to explode in his chest.

They are dressed now, they have coffee, and they are standing outside in the first rays of morning sun. James still looks stricken and full of sorrow and Lewis has no intention to cause additional grief by preventing the lad from smoking. As much as he hates the habit, he loves to watch James’ slim fingers perform the little magic trick of smoothly taking one out of the package, bringing it to his mouth and light it. It is an elegant little movement, established and polished over the years. His eyes rest on Hathaway’s lips, which he now knows are smoother than they look.

James exhales and his eyes follow the lines of smoke in the air. Then he clears his throat. “Since when?” His voice sounds croaky.

Lewis hesitates a moment before he asks back, “What are we talking about?”

“When did you find out how I feel about you?” James gaze meets his and their eyes lock.

This insecurity, where does it come from? Not like the lad is known like this at the station. _Am I doing this to him?_ Lewis is suddenly aware that he needs too long to answer. He does not know where to start but then he just lets the words pour out.

“Last night, I suppose.” He stares at his own shoes. He is not eloquent and he is not a person to talk about these things. “It wasn’t as you thought, you know. I felt you were spending too much time with me and were becoming too dependent.” He sighs, feeling deeply uncomfortable with this situation. “I was quite sure you had chosen me as some kind of replacement father.” He heard James cough. “And then things went awry because I would sometimes have all but fatherly feelings.” Lewis blushes a bit. “I thought we’d both get over it once you found someone appropriate.” He’s still watching his shoes and he’s waiting for James to react. His heart is pounding. Everything, the awkwardness, the shame, the insecurity between them, it is like being a teenager again.

James throws his cigarette to the floor and Lewis lets him get away with it. The lad is clearing his throat again. His voice sounds less croaky but it is on the verge of trembling when he talks, “Not fatherly feelings? I was inclined to believe you were straight.”

“Aye, so was I. Didn’t really want to believe it meself at first. Can’t deny after last night anymore, though,” he chuckles. He is nervous. James is turning him into a nervous teenager.

“The ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint, or obligation.” James is reciting now and his voice has returned to normal.

Lewis sighs. “I’m good on the first half then, should improve on the last.”

“Feeling restrained? There is no need.” It is James turn to chuckle.

“Nah, scares the hell out of me. Just imagine Innocent if she found out.” He is only half-joking. This is scary, it is questioning everything he knew about himself and it could lead to consequences neither of them is prepared to face. And it would have been his job as a supervisor to put an end to it in time. It is too late now though, it will not do any good to keep musing about it.

“I’m sorry, S-, Robbie. I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation.” Of course, the lad blames himself. Lewis frowns at the crease on James’ forehead and watches him light another cigarette.

“Told you to stop with the sorry, didn’t I? What do you want to do about this mess now?” His voice is rough now, he needs to know what James thinks about this, if he is serious about this, about them.

Lewis wonders if a young lad could seriously want a… well, a relationship… with an old dog like him. And he is surprised when he notices his heart thumping from nervousness while he waits for James answer. Lewis only now realizes how much he wants this to be more than a night of guilty pleasure. He has fallen hard for the lad without noticing.

James is avoiding his gaze now. “What do you suggest?”

“Oh no, I asked first this time. And I think I already made my position clear,” Lewis says and it comes out harsher than he wanted it to because he is impatient and his heart is about to explode in his chest.

“You really meant that, all of it.” It is not a question, it is a statement. And Lewis watches with amazement how the realization hits James and brightens his eyes, followed by one of his sergeants rare true smiles. Not a smirk, a smile. It’s a beautiful moment.

It takes a while, a wonderful while of smiling, before James continues, voice trembling now, “When I came here yesterday, I had expected all kinds of consequences and it didn’t matter to me. I was ready to do anything from pretending nothing happened to handing in my papers. Your-”, James pauses and Lewis sees him swallow. Are his eyes wet? “Your reaction and the offer you are making me, that is beyond my expectations and hopes.”

“So what, lad, are you willing to give us a shot?” He holds a hand out, his thrusting heart desperate for a final answer.

“Yes.” James takes his hand and they lace their fingers. And when he looks at him, the bright smile has returned and this time Lewis takes the initiative, putting down their mugs of, now certainly cold, coffee, and leans over to kiss James. Outside, during the day, oblivious to passers-by. _He really turns me into a teenager_ , he thinks to himself, _but it's a happy teenager_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James quotes Simone de Beauvoir.
> 
> All chapter titles snatched from AC/DC songs.


End file.
